My Farm Jack - and what I do with it.

[Pugglt Auld Jock]

Yes, and the carb and exhaust
This was the same guy that had to replace my chainsaw, as he was reving the behind of it with the brake on, melted the clutch, brake and the cover. I’ve not lent him anything since and he’s not even allowed to adjust the seat, radio or anything wehn he gets a lift!

Some people are just a disaster with machinery. Brother in law could never start his Stihl 2 stroke strimmer. Whenever I took a look at it for him it was always flooded. Nothing else wrong with it, just flooded. He just couldn't "hear" it and was always fascinated that I would pull it twice and away it would go.

 

[irc]

I had a clear out of assorted 2-stroke garden equipment over the summer. The only ones I have left now are the Post Hole Auger and a chainsaw.
I found a brand new (but 20+ years old) strimmer engine which i didn't even know I had. I think it might have been dumped on me to fix a strimmer by a relative who thought adding more 2-stroke to the mix was a good thing.
Apart from the extra smoke, it made things run lean, get hot and sieze up. And because they were made out of cheese and plastic that was the end of them.
TBH not a bad thing really - never have liked 2-strokes since my first road-going moped, which was (comparatively) quick, but rarely got anywhere more than 10 miles away without breaking down. Or siezing up.
Swapped it for a Honda and made slower but steadier progress.

 

[bugsymike]

Slightly off topic but two of my many pet hates are watching people start an older type engine that has a "tickler", the little plunger that holds the float down until it starts to flood to enable cold starting, I have seen those "ticklers" receiving multiple stabs as though it was some kind of pump, in the old days of brass floats in the fuel bowl you could see the dents received by those actions.
The other is watching so called professional motor engineers on TV with an open ended spanner used the wrong way around, so instead of using in it's strongest position when moving a tight nut or bolt in much the same way you use a Stilson so it has a wrap around action with the loading on the thicker part of the spanner, they do the opposite. This is probably why I still have my combination spanners from over fifty years ago, that and the fact they are Britool.
I describe people like that as "mechanically unsympathetic".
Apart from "moaning gits" like me does anyone else have pet mechanical hates?
I have just thought of another, people trying to undo tight drive shaft or wheel nuts by pulling upwards on a bar as though they are trying to lift the vehicle off the ground, when a little common sense would tell them to put their foot on the bar and use their body weight, if using a spider wheel brace they can still pull with their hands if needed, why work hard needlessly?

 

[PuntoHowTo]

Apart from "moaning gits" like me does anyone else have pet mechanical hates?

Yep, these bloody things

if using a spider wheel brace

I have one set of wheel nuts on my car, they’re all 17mm I (and no one else) needs a tool that has multiple sized spanners on the ends in their car, they’re generally much shorter than a regular wheel wrench so less torque and they are just the right length to take the skin off the hands of people who pull on one side while pushing down on the other.

Usually cheaply made so very good at rounding off nuts and bolts as well as and sometimes so cheap that I’ve seen the end of the tool shear off before cracking the nut.

Nothing wrong with a good breaker bar and a quality 6 sided socket

I was going to buy a farmers Jack when I had my Range Rover, it was an 86 with a 2 inch body lift and at least another couple of inch lift on the suspension then over sized tires, so putting the normal landrover bottle Jack (which I still have) under any part of it would not touch the underside of the car even when pumped out to its highest reach, could just be used on the axles so a farm Jack would have been handy, and you can buy off road bumpers with slots in them to fit the Jack so you can lift the car on the bumpers

 

[Pugglt Auld Jock]

Slightly off topic but two of my many pet hates are watching people start an older type engine that has a "tickler", the little plunger that holds the float down until it starts to flood to enable cold starting, I have seen those "ticklers" receiving multiple stabs as though it was some kind of pump, in the old days of brass floats in the fuel bowl you could see the dents received by those actions.
The other is watching so called professional motor engineers on TV with an open ended spanner used the wrong way around, so instead of using in it's strongest position when moving a tight nut or bolt in much the same way you use a Stilson so it has a wrap around action with the loading on the thicker part of the spanner, they do the opposite. This is probably why I still have my combination spanners from over fifty years ago, that and the fact they are Britool.
I describe people like that as "mechanically unsympathetic".
Apart from "moaning gits" like me does anyone else have pet mechanical hates?
I have just thought of another, people trying to undo tight drive shaft or wheel nuts by pulling upwards on a bar as though they are trying to lift the vehicle off the ground, when a little common sense would tell them to put their foot on the bar and use their body weight, if using a spider wheel brace they can still pull with their hands if needed, why work hard needlessly?

I think it was implied in the name - "Tickler" - Non mechanical people didn't have a clue that what it was doing was holding the needle valve open to intentionally flood the float chamber. I've seen people frantically stabbing away quickly and repeatedly in the false understanding that the more rapidly they stabbed at it the quicker it would start to leak!

Open enders are, in my opinion, weapons of last resort. However there are situations when you have to use them and I agree there is a right and wrong way round for them. However sometimes the offset can be useful if trying to undo a fixing in an awkward position where going a quarter of a turn by "flip floping" the end works well. Big thumbs up for "proper" Britool tools too! I believe now owned by Facom and sold as their more "budget" option - probably now just a brand with tools made who knows where?

Pulling up on a power bar - or similar - when the fixing is "super tight" can be very dangerous. Our apprentice knocked chips off his two "rabbit teeth" and put them through his upper lip doing that. Spectacular amount of blood and a sobbing youngster transported to A&E by our storeman. Now a days there would also have been a shed load of paperwork to complete.

Not strictly tool related - well not at the time anyway. But one of my pet hates is people who select reverse gear with a crash of teeth. Caused by not giving the gear clusters time to spin down. I tell all my family that when selecting reverse that starting with the depressing of the pedal to recite in their head: One banana (as you push the pedal down), Two banana (with the pedal held on the floor) the Three banana (as you go to move the gear lever into the reverse gate. Unless the clutch is dragging the gears will never crash.

Another one that really upsets me is watching someone with no "feel" in their hands. For example. There was a young man lived in the flats across the road who ran about in an old small car - funnily enough I think it was an early Mazda 2 - and I looked out the window one day to see him with it at the kerbside outside my house, up on the "suicide" jack, trying to undo something underneath. It was wobbling and looked really unsafe so I went out to see if I could help. Turned out he was an apprentice chef, knew very little about cars and the garage had failed it's MOT on a couple of things one of which was a rear shock. He couldn't aford the labour so was trying to do it himself with a big adjustable crescent wrench! Anyway, mug that I am, I got involved and chucked my axle stands under it before using my air wrench to loosen the, very tight, bolts - He would have only rounded them off with his wrench. He was very enthusiastic and wanted to put the new one on himself - I say "new" one, but actually it turned out to be a second hand one he'd bought on ebay. I asked him why he'd gone with a used one and he said because it was an original maker's part and so more reliable than one from a shop! He already had it and it looked dry with a rod and bushes in good order so I didn't have a "conversation" with him about shockers. Anyway, he got on with fitting the "new" one while I went and made us a cup of tea. I returned to find him in the final stages of tightening the bottom bolt which he did using my half inch ratchet with a hex impact socket - good practice. Then, thinking he'd finished, I was going to point out he would need to slacken the bolt again, let the car back down onto it's wheels and retighten the bolt so as to avoid wind up in the bush destroying itself in service. As I was thinking about how to diplomatically approach this I was asking him about milk and sugar, and concentrating on pouring the milk so I didn't notice he'd picked up my longer power bar, swapped the socket onto it and was "murdering" the bolt. He just had absolutely no idea how tight it should be! I think I frightened him with the way I shouted at him to stop but it did save the bolt from total destruction and we were able to complete the job satisfactorily. He moved on shortly after so I never got the chance of seeing how long the used shocker lasted.

 

[bugsymike]

Those original Land Rover jacks on the Series LRs had double extending threads so good for lots of jobs, don't know what happened to mine.
The only decent wheel nut spanner I had was on a 1965 Chrysler Valiant I had 3/4 AF socket and about 20 inches long, I still kick my self for selling a car with the reg. number 332KF for £20 because the auto box was slipping, it was a long time ago though.
I just did an MOT check that Reg.No. is on a E type Jag last Mot expired in 2006!
People like @Pugglt Auld Jock just described make you wonder how they survive with the brains of a rocking horse. I always say some people I wouldn't trust to oil the wheels on a pram, or mend a fuse on a 13 amp plug!

 

[PuntoHowTo]

Those original Land Rover jacks on the Series LRs had double extending threads

this one does, very handy if you really want to get some height on a normal car, fortunately the Range Rover sat so high that you could literally lay under it and work without needing a jack so really the jack was only needed for changing a wheel which was impossible as someone had put the wheels on with far too many ugga-dugga’s

I took it off the road to fix the rust but ended up chasing my tail and sold it to someone who was going to bobtail it. Interestingly the person who had it before me had fitted a 3.1 izuzu engine from a Vauxhall Monterey and with it a low down oil tank lower than the sump, feeding the oil pump so it would not oil starve as more extreme angles, which ironically the bloke who I sold it two had don’t just that and seriously damaged his v8

 

[bugsymike]

Yes I have had a few rusty ones mostly Series, a 1967 one was the worst for rust. The 109 I had wasn't bad but the SWB ones always felt a little twitchy on twisty roads. A son in law had a off road trials one that he flipped near his house and the Police would not let him drive it 20 yards to his door, but called a recovery company which "looked after" them as they said the handbrake wouldn't hold, no other mechanical damage, he had done much worse in competition trials and driven home! So he had to pay for recovery and storage.

 

[Pugglt Auld Jock]

Yep, these bloody things

I have one set of wheel nuts on my car, they’re all 17mm I (and no one else) needs a tool that has multiple sized spanners on the ends in their car, they’re generally much shorter than a regular wheel wrench so less torque and they are just the right length to take the skin off the hands of people who pull on one side while pushing down on the other.

Usually cheaply made so very good at rounding off nuts and bolts as well as and sometimes so cheap that I’ve seen the end of the tool shear off before cracking the nut.

Nothing wrong with a good breaker bar and a quality 6 sided socket

I guess you're talking about one of these:



Generally the cheap option so made down to a price. As you say, you're not going to need 3 of the ends and it's difficult to store so often just left loose in the boot ready to do some real mischief in a serious incident as it flies about inside the car. Again, as you say, the tool invites you to grip two of the ends, pushing down on one, pulling up on the other. So not only do you marmalize the knuckles on the hand that's pushing down when it hits the road but because the other hand is pulling up it greatly increases the damage to the downward hand and makes a "proper" job of it!

If you must buy a cheaper tool an extending bar works quite well. Use it extended to undo stubborn fixings:



and then shortened to avoid over tightening when doing them up.



Some come complete with some sockets and some don't so you might need to buy a socket to fit your vehicle. I keep this one with my trailer and have a power bar in the cars. I find the power bar more convenient because you can swivel the end round for spinning nuts on and off once they are slackened. The extending bar, being fixed, is more cumbersome to use.

The "X" shaped tool actually came as part of the kit when we bought a spare for the Mazda but we were lucky in that the Mazda, although it had no jack, did have one of the "L" shaped wheel nut tools. I sorted out a length of steel pipe which was a good fit over the handle and she then had a tool which could deal with quite tight nuts if needs be. Here's a picture I took at the time which also includes the towing eye:

 

[The Panda Nut]

you're not going to need 3 of the ends

Useful if towing on rare occasions but I agree, I have a folding one that is better and it seems fairly robust. (chrome vanadium) Its good if you loose a wheel bolt and shove something else in in its place. You can wind anything in in place of a wheel bolt!

I have telescopic wrenches with sockets on in the ladies cars to defeat heavy handed garage men. Last vehicle in a garage was Daffo. It came back from its wax oiling with a sticker on the steering wheel asking us to re torque wheels after 50 miles. I always undo the nuts on the womens cars after the garage has had them and do them up to the right torque. On this occasionthey were clearly totally correct. Well done Ashtons Classics again.

My biggest hate is things not put back in the right place. I am used to what tool for which fitting and it REALLY P***** me off when I find things in the wrong place,

Being charged for windscreen washer additive is sure to cause me to completely loose it too, as I always ensure the cars are full prior to service. I will not pay £140/hr for someone else to top up the washers, especially when they seem incapable of identifying brakes in need of a clean and grease etc. The last service they left a full bottle in the car. Next time they do this they will not need other suppositories thereafter.

Its nearly as sad as the three garages I have saying I am due an mot on daffo. ITS IN OCTOBER you morons! And no I wont be ringing Desiras group booking line to speak to some inexpereinced junoir who wouldnt know the front of the car from the back let alone understand an instruction to bleed the clutch hydraulics! ANd who wants to know if its a Jeep or a Peugeot or a nissan or a Suzuki....

I do feel better for that.

PS Never ask a Nut what sets him off!

PPS I have thought of another use for that massive great jack!

Add pulling the hand brake up click click click click... without depressing teh button first, My driving instructor would have charged you double if you did this. I agree with him. Pure laziness and poor control too as you want to feel the brake work and then lock it off not vice versa.

 

[bugsymike]

A customers wife bought a S/H car from a local Honda Dealer paid strong money and was over the moon when presented with a bunch of flowers being a female customer, until I pointed out the engine oil was filthy and the spark plugs needed changing, jobs which would have been more useful than the flowers which died two days later!

 

[The Panda Nut]

A customers wife bought a S/H car from a local Honda Dealer paid strong money and was over the moon when presented with a bunch of flowers being a female customer, until I pointed out the engine oil was filthy and the spark plugs needed changing, jobs which would have been more useful than the flowers which died two days later!

I should have laid them on the sales mangers final resting place after using the large jack on him

 

[PuntoHowTo]

I guess you're talking about one of these:

View attachment 428715

That's the one, pointless little bar-steward The sort of think a helpful dad, buys their daughter in case they get a flat in their new (first) car, when in all honesty its hopeful thinking that they won't just call dad out to change the tire. (flashbacks to ex-father inlaw)

Probably more use as a weapon and even then it would make a pretty terrible weapon given how close you'd have to get to any would-be attacker.

If you must buy a cheaper tool an extending bar works quite well. Use it extended to undo stubborn fixings:

I did used to have one of these, no idea where it went, not seen it in many years. The socket on the end was reversible you just turned it round for a different size, which was handy to have if you worked on multiple cars out of one tool box (further issue about the spider is it will not fit in any useful tool box)

These days I have a 450mm breaker bar and some deep sockets to get the wheels off, and they usually go back on with the Torque wrench. Having gotten used to the feel of the Torque wrench I am confident I could do a reasonable job of getting near the same torque with the breaker bar, just being sure to get the distance on the leverage about the same.

as they said the handbrake wouldn't hold,

Sounds like a pretty standard Land Rover transmission brake to me... That's how they left the factory.

 

[bugsymike]

Sounds like a pretty standard Land Rover transmission brake to me... That's how they left the factory.

I always found the Series Land Rovers with manually adjusted transmission brake with old square brake spanner could work well, it was the self adjusting ones that came later I disliked.
Apart from when a halfshaft breaks and handbrake useless due to diff turning, transmission ones can be OK. I had a customer with a Cherokee Sun Voyager 7.5 tonne camper that used that system except activated with your foot and released by hand, that was manually adjusted I seem to recall.
My spider wheel brace I repaired after loaning it to an idiot with a transit who somehow managed to snap the 3/4 19mm? plus some of my 3/4 drive sockets etc.and underneath all that is my 6 tonne garage jack, all in shameful rusty and neglected condition when compared with all of yours, though in my defence their use has kept a family of seven fed and housed for many years till they all moved out and I retired.

 

[PuntoHowTo]

I always found the Series Land Rovers with manually adjusted transmission brake with old square brake spanner could work well, it was the self adjusting ones that came later I disliked.
Apart from when a halfshaft breaks and handbrake useless due to diff turning, transmission ones can be OK. I had a customer with a Cherokee Sun Voyager 7.5 tonne camper that used that system except activated with your foot and released by hand, that was manually adjusted I seem to recall.

I'll bow to your superior knowledge on that front, I know that on the 80s Range Rover classics they were pretty terrible, but thankfully because of not being able to test them on rollers they usually fudged through the MOT as MOT inspectors where not great with the little decelerometer thing they were supposed to use (you probably know a lot more about this than me as all I know was what was posted on the forums back in 2003/4)

My spider wheel brace I repaired after loaning it to an idiot with a transit who somehow managed to snap the 3/4 19mm? plus some of my 3/4 drive sockets etc.and underneath all that is my 6 tonne garage jack, all in shameful rusty and neglected condition when compared with all of yours, though in my defence their use has kept a family of seven fed and housed for many years till they all moved out and I retired.

I need a jack like that, I think after I move I will have a proper garage so can get some proper tools. The current trolley jack is a cheap one from maybe Argos about 20 years ago, which to be fair has stood the test of time so far, the chocs that came with it didn't survive me forgetting about them in the first 10 minutes of having it and driving off over them instantly flattening them... so they weren't a lot of use.

 

[bugsymike]

I'll bow to your superior knowledge on that front, I know that on the 80s Range Rover classics they were pretty terrible, but thankfully because of not being able to test them on rollers they usually fudged through the MOT as MOT inspectors where not great with the little decelerometer thing they were supposed to use (you probably know a lot more about this than me as all I know was what was posted on the forums back in 2003/4)




I need a jack like that, I think after I move I will have a proper garage so can get some proper tools. The current trolley jack is a cheap one from maybe Argos about 20 years ago, which to be fair has stood the test of time so far, the chocs that came with it didn't survive me forgetting about them in the first 10 minutes of having it and driving off over them instantly flattening them... so they weren't a lot of use.

It's not superior knowledge on Range Rovers etc. just the 50s and 60s stuff, I learnt to drive in as an apprentice in our 1955 petrol LR Recovery vehicle with a Harvey Frost crane in the back when dumping the rubbish from the garage at the Local Council tip (which is now playing fields and a Velodrome, I wonder when all the asbestos brakes shoes, exhausts and engine parts will surface ).
I suspect the ones that gave trouble where the self adjusting versions, they used fine tooth ratchet and pawl setups similar to 70s Ford rear brakes and were pretty poor as you found.
Re the Mots in the mid 70s I did do MOT testing and if dual circuit brakes I seem to recall handbrake16% was the accepted limit we had a Churchill Brake Meter for road testing them, the older LandRovers I learnt in, only had single circuit brakes so if pipe snapped the pedal hit the floor so you needed a handbrake that at least half worked (single circuit systems pass level was 25%) I once went out to a breakdown in the Land Rover I mentioned and went down a very steep hill on the way, when I got to the broken down vehicle I went to turn in the road and a brake pipe burst resulting in the Land Rover mounting the kerb and going halfway up the bank, I fixed the guys car and drove the LR back slowly using the handbrake.
Over the years I have had many full size garage jacks and apart from the lifting capacity, it was the extra height they could achieve, the only problem these days is cars are lower to the ground and with not much at the front strong enough to jack on you often need to get beyond the back of the engine for strong metal.
With that 6 Tonne jack I can lift a Iveco Daily 3.5 tonne using just one finger, it's really that easy. Funny enough I bought that one to lift a old fishing boat I had to replace the Oak keel and it is till going strong, I used to be able to lift it in and out of my van but those days are gone sadly.

 

[PuntoHowTo]

I wonder when all the asbestos brakes shoes, exhausts and engine parts will surface ).

I always imagine Time team in 200 - 400 years time will be interesting with the massive landfill sites all over the country from the last 100 years or so.

I suspect the ones that gave trouble where the self adjusting versions, they used fine tooth ratchet and pawl setups similar to 70s Ford rear brakes and were pretty poor as you found.

This sounds familiar, even when they were really well set up and adjusted, they were still terrible. I think a lot of the hard core offroaders who still run older land rovers switch them out for a disc set up that is less likely to get clogged up with mug and grime and is much easier to jet was off at the end of play.
These days there are a lot of people buying old Disco 3s and L322s to take off roading.

My Father inlaw still has a Defender 90 that he got brand new in 2001, which has sadly sat unused since 2008. Probably needs a hell of a lot of work now and given he has a Mk3 fiesta van parked behind, another old company vehicle thats not been used in likely twice as long, I'm guessing we'll inherit both eventually, So I had better at least keep my eye in on how to look after these old cars.

 

[bugsymike]

I always imagine Time team in 200 - 400 years time will be interesting with the massive landfill sites all over the country from the last 100 years or so.

This sounds familiar, even when they were really well set up and adjusted, they were still terrible. I think a lot of the hard core offroaders who still run older land rovers switch them out for a disc set up that is less likely to get clogged up with mug and grime and is much easier to jet was off at the end of play.
These days there are a lot of people buying old Disco 3s and L322s to take off roading.

My Father inlaw still has a Defender 90 that he got brand new in 2001, which has sadly sat unused since 2008. Probably needs a hell of a lot of work now and given he has a Mk3 fiesta van parked behind, another old company vehicle thats not been used in likely twice as long, I'm guessing we'll inherit both eventually, So I had better at least keep my eye in on how to look after these old cars.

You can have a lot of fun with an old Landy and parts are readily available, they do rust badly though.
It always surprises me the money they fetch, a customers son recently sold his 90 TD5 for £9k needing a complete chassis and it went to New Zealand.